Breaking the Cycle of Avoidance: How to Face What Matters

Have you ever noticed that you keep putting off something important—not because you’re lazy, but because facing it feels like too much? It’s time to learn more about breaking the cycle of avoidance.

Maybe it’s a hard conversation with your wife, a career move you know you need to make, or simply dealing with the mess in your heart. You’re not alone. This is what I call evasive living—and it’s keeping a lot of good men stuck, exhausted, and unsure of their purpose.

I know it firsthand. When I started preaching, I thought I’d finally found my purpose—but instead of confidence, I found myself procrastinating, avoiding people, and quietly falling apart. I hated how I felt, but I didn’t know how to stop the cycle. I was drowning in self-doubt and didn’t realize that I was avoiding pain, not just problems.

Let’s talk about what’s really going on and how we can be breaking the cycle of avoidance together.

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Why We Avoid What Matters

Avoidance isn’t just a bad habit—it’s a reaction wired into our nervous system. Your brain is trying to protect you from perceived danger. The amygdala—the part of your brain responsible for fear and emotional memory—can hijack your logic, making even simple tasks feel threatening.

But what starts as protection quickly turns into a prison.

Avoidance often leads to:

• Escalating anxiety
• Missed opportunities
• Emotional numbness
• Spiritual stagnation
• Strained relationships

I experienced all of those. I looked successful on the outside—but I felt like a failure on the inside. That pain finally drove me to search for answers. (I talk more about this and beginning your spiritual journey in this post.)

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Common Ways We Avoid Pain

You might not even realize you’re doing it. Here are some common forms of avoidance I’ve seen—and lived:

• Procrastination (especially with things that feel personal)
• Overplanning instead of taking action
• Diving into work or distractions that keep you from facing your emotions
• Shutting down when conversations get hard
• Isolating or “ghosting” people instead of dealing with conflict

Take a minute—what’s your go-to avoidance strategy?

Mine was overplanning. I had stacks of notebooks full of ideas and zero execution. It made me feel like I was moving forward, when really I was just circling the same mountain.

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Breaking the Cycle of Avoidance (Spiritually and Practically)

Here’s how I started moving forward—and how you can, too.

1. Face the Lies Head-On

Avoidance is often fueled by hidden lies: “I’ll fail anyway.” “I’m not enough.” “This won’t work.” Speak those lies out loud—then speak God’s truth back to them. Scripture says to “take every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5). This isn’t just a verse—it’s a practice.

Say it out loud:
“I feel like I’m going to mess this up. But the truth is, God equips those He calls.”
“I feel like I’m not enough. But God says His strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

2. Take One Small, Brave Step

The goal isn’t to fix everything overnight. The goal is movement. Gradual exposure—starting small—helps your nervous system recalibrate. Don’t jump into the deep end; wade in slowly.

What’s one conversation, task, or decision you’ve been avoiding? What’s the smallest step you can take today?

3. Get Out of Your Head and Into the Moment

Mindfulness isn’t just for monks—it’s a powerful tool for clarity. Box breathing. Grounding. A walk without your phone. Being still before God. These practices help you reset, hear clearly, and stop the mental spiral.

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You’re Not Meant to Do This Alone

God created us for community. Growth happens faster and deeper when we walk with others. That’s why I started a free group for men who want to get unstuck, find their fire again, and follow God’s path with strength.

💬 Join the free men’s group on Facebook here →

If you’ve been stuck in avoidance mode, you don’t need shame—you need a path and people.

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Let’s Put This Into Action

Start now. Don’t wait for the “perfect time.” Choose one of these today:

• Identify one thing you’re avoiding and write it down.
• Speak the lie you believe out loud—and replace it with truth.
• Take one imperfect step forward.
• Share your journey with someone who gets it.

God isn’t asking for perfection. He’s asking for obedience. When you step into that, things start to shift.

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You’re stronger than the fear. Braver than the avoidance. And have more purpose than you realize.

Are you ready to stop running and start building?

Drop a comment or join the group—and let’s walk this road together.